alone - ness

should anyone brag about thoughts bein build up in a foreign language, so be it. i couldn`t agree less with a thought that i am doing something wrong. so be it.
  a big part of my teen age was spent in the woods. actually, this came across my mind just recently. the awareness. i got home from school, primary or high, tried hard to finish my homework and study soon enough to be able to go out with my dog soon. if not sooner, at least before time of her supper, so she always ate on time. and the homework could wait, and i loved studyin in the night hours, when everyone else in the house went to bed. we met so many trees, so many branches, discovered so many holes in the ground. even better - on hot summer days i looked for those in the tree-trunks - if we were lucky they were filled up with rain water, she loves to drink from it. it could all sound like an ode to my dog, which she would without a doubt deserve, but is not. she is by far my favourite, though. just today my brother mentioned, in a rethorical question that remained unanswered- what will it be, when she is gone.
i made almost all this afternoon walks alone. alone, with my dog. even more i prefered those late at night, when i finished studyin, just before i went to bed, to let the cold breeze blow between my ears and cool off the strugglin mind. whenever i left abroad, i missed it like crazy, the alone walks. so i wandered the unknown streets and woods sometimes. went for a run. but felt weird, strange, unknown. lookin for a replacement.
if possible, i left my phone on my table. it felt free. and i miss it. i cant discuss the right from wrong about spending all this time alone, but for me it was not just right. for me it is time of free mind. often when i get back, or when i come closer to home, it hits my head that i havent been thinkin about one single thing. it just cleared out my mind. beautiful. with time i got more and more engaged with obligations and i put other priorities. with time spent abroad i grew a state in my mind that i dont have to do everything every day. that there are things that could be done by other people with the same dedication, same love and same care. but the alone walks are to be done by me. me and my dog.
 
relationships are still the most imporant thing in my life. if so, why am i not engaged in a serious one? why am i not madly truly deeply inlove with mister right? why am i not planing a morgage for our house we will soon build? why are we not makin baby plans? "you know, time flies..." just heard a quote in a movie, goes like "Life is a series of moments. The aim is to gather the most beautiful ones."
no matter the status, i do believe happiness comes from ones inside. it originates from ourselves. can one alone be happy? yes. no serious doubt about it. and no serious doubt about the fact, that happiness doubles when it is shared. i can not help but corellate with the animal kingdom - the majority of species lives in herds, groups or flocks. we build communities - starting from a pair of two lovin human beings reachin out to a greater bigger society. so, one is actually never alone. unless one insists on it. some people are just better of alone, by their own choices.

i choose to be happy. i choose love. i choose a smile. i choose to share it with you. i choose.
   the first time i was forced to think about me alone, it was the most heartbraking thing i felt. i was scared of the unknown. it was the most selfish thing of me to do, to think about alone. i still believe, though, there is never a complete alone. never ever for no one. and beliefs are quite a tricky thing!

royal loyalty

ko med razporejenimi artikli iščem izvirno darilo, se mi pogled ustavi na prepletenih nitih, vpetih v krog. lovilec sanj t.i. "dream-catcher". s prsti tipam mehkobo perja, ki se nežno premika s tokom zraka. vprašam se, kaj sem sanjala danes? redko se mi zgodi, da bi se sanj zavedala. še redkeje pa, da bi me sanje prebudile. morda se zato večkrat počutim ujeta v že doživetem trenutku; vsaj zdi se tako. kot da bi me nekdo dregnil pod rebri, me prešine - "hej, pa to sem že videl, to sem že doživel!" (VK). če imam čas, si razbijam glavo s kaj in kako je to možno, največkrat se le nasmehnem in hitim naprej. zadovoljna, da se moje skromno mnenje o naključjih potrjuje v vsakdanjem življenju. 
Tabornik me je ujel za besedo, ko sva debatirala ravno o tem - če ni naključij, ima nekdo/nekaj načrt? ne vem, ampak razmišljam. svojeglavo in trmasto iščem odgovore na že neštetokrat zastavljena vprašanja... 

Dare to dream.

kadar me potepuška slutnja pelje po katerem od večjih mest, si vzamem čas za ljudi. jih opazujem s klopce ali pa vsaj s kotičkom očesa spremljam njihov korak. toliko obrazov in za vsakim od teh gotovo več kot le ena zgodba! glede na videno si pripovedujem zgodbo kar sama, in se vprašam, kje je moja. kje so moje sanje? zakaj se jih ne spominjam vsako jutro? 
fizikalni vztrajnostni moment se je verjetno pretvoril v miselnega, da sem danes, kjer sem. popisana z živo paleto barv in odtenkov ljudi, ki me v življenju dopolnjujejo. in ne, barv ni nikoli preveč - želim si še kakšne! ;) 

Dance while you`re young. 

če dvignem pogled izza platnic svoje poti, oči ujamejo kričeča opozorila družbe - spoznajte sebe, bodite zvesti samemu sebi, vedno pomisli sprva nase ... 
in iščem naprej ...